my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
