It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
