cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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