Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
