im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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