First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
