So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
