youre lurking in front of me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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