Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
