So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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