dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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