last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
