im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
