Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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