So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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