I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
