I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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