so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
