so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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