If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
