people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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