I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
