I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
