Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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