Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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