when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
