New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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