The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize