Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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