my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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