We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
