ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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