She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
