Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
