he shaved USA in his pubs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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