Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
