What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize