Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
