my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
