Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was confusing and full of hummus
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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