Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
operation harelip BJ is a go
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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