I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
