This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
