She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
