he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
