Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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