he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize