You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
