She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
