We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
