I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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