i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
