guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I look better un-naked...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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