During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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