I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
