Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
