I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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