My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize