Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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