i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
