why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
