What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
