so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
