Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
