I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
