i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
