we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
