I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
