My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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