I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
