I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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