this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have fence marks all over my body
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
