the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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