The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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