Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
