I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
smell my finger.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
