Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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