saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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