I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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