she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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