Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
