Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Success! We fucked roommates!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
