If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
