apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
