I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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