He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize