Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
