hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
