Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
