I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
