so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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