I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
