I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
