Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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