Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize