Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
